A job you like

A few days ago, I was reminded how valuable it is to have a job you like. Therefore this is a little pep talk for those who haven’t found it yet or who need to find it again because I wholeheartedly believe that it is worth to keep searching.

I am deliberately writing ‘a job you like’ for a number of reasons. First of all, I am convinced that there are many jobs out there that we could enjoy. In other words, like with a romantic partner, I believe that it’s not just ‘the one’ we need to find like a needle in a haystack but we have a pretty good chance of landing a job that we can derive a lot of enjoyment from.

Secondly, while aspirations and intentions can help us move mountains, I am all for staying grounded in realism. This is especially important when we have experienced our fair share of disappointment, and when we struggle to make changes for fear of ending up somewhere worse. For the world of work, this means acknowledging that every job comes with good parts and not so good parts. It is unrealistic to assume that we will find the perfect job that we will just glide through in a bubble of constant bliss.

Some clients tell me that they expect to find a job that they are happy to get up for in the morning and that they are looking forward to at the start of the day. On the whole, I think that is achievable, if not for every single working day. Having supported numerous clients with very different personalities and professional backgrounds, I am convinced that it’s possible for all of us to find a job that we feel fond of and that we can enjoy for the vast majority of the time.

Finding a job you like can make a significant contribution to your mental and physical wellbeing. It is where we are spending most of our waking hours. That is a lot of lifetime spent either building or eroding confidence, learning and growing or battling boredom, having a sense of achievement and progression or feeling stressed and overwhelmed.

Many clients notice how their feelings at work seep into other areas of their life, for example their couple relationship, their social interactions, their eating habits or their motivation to exercise. For most, it’s very hard to keep their work problems at work and not to take them home with them, especially when they are already working from home for parts of the week.

Having helped clients for over a decade, I have found that when work feels like a daily grind, we are much more likely to look for ways of letting our hair down, whether that is through excessive use of alcohol, night time scrolling on our mobile phones, binge eating or binge watching for example. As such, work is often not only affecting our non-work relationships but also our health.

Conversely, when we feel valued and appreciated at work, we thrive. We feel motivated to perform even better and can mobilise incredible inner resources and show remarkable determination and strength. This self-belief also often translates itself to other spheres: we are more self-assured as romantic partners, more outgoing as friends or more patient as parents.

So how do we go about finding a job we like? I am aware that this is often a lot less straightforward. On the one hand, I have seen clients falling into jobs by accident that turned out to be their calling and those that already knew from a young age what they wanted to be.

On the other hand, I have seen clients who are expected to take over the family business or to pursue a particular career, either because it is a family tradition or because certain jobs are deemed prestigious while others are considered taboo.

More often than not it seems to be a real struggle to figure out what we want to do professionally. We may choose to study something that loosely relates to a subject we liked at school or we may look at our high school grades for guidance. However, that doesn’t at all capture the wealth of possible careers and professional paths out there.

It is not uncommon for adult children to try and fulfil their parents’ professional aspirations, for example to go to university or to study certain subjects that hold a certain status such as law or medicine.

Equally, adult children may deliberately try to go against their parents’ wishes or may be advised by them to make a sensible career choice rather than follow their heart.

When discussing professional choices in therapy, it often transpires that there might have been an inkling, an intuition, an idea of what may be of interest but for some reason or other clients didn’t allow themselves to pursue it. Financial constraints often play a role here, which is where we are coming back to the realism part.

Sometimes we can only allow ourselves to really consider which job suits us once we have established a certain level of financial security or have pursued other life ambitions that may be equally important to us such as travelling or having children. If we don’t have the financial backing from our parents or a romantic partner, we may only be able to explore our professional options much later in life.

Still, given the joy and energy I have seen in clients who do a job they like and the transformation I have witnessed in clients who found their professional niche, I can only advocate for starting or continuing that search, whatever your age and whatever your circumstances.

I have supported clients gradually putting their feelers out and dipping their toes into the waters of new professional ventures alongside their main job or following a career break. Sometimes it takes a bit of patience and some trial and error before we arrive at a workable solution that gives us enjoyment while also earning us a living. However, it makes such a difference when we do.